The Creative Process

A few weeks ago I explained how I’d achieved one of my all time dreams of working from home and as someone who has always struggled with their belief in their own abilities I can tell you this was a massive achievement for me.

Crippled from an early age with a diminished sense of ‘self’ I always found school a bit of a struggle. Socially I was ok and never had any problem making friends but even that seemed to be affected as I experienced my teenage years.

I withdrew into myself and my confidence was at rock bottom by the time I reached 18. I’d settled for a crappy job at a local plastics factory because that’s all I felt I was capable of doing – it was basic physical work but I was nervous that I wouldn’t even be able to do that and the thought of mixing with other people terrified me.

Why am I telling you all this you may be thinking, well bare with me because it is relevant.

I carried on feeling like this for a few years until I reached the age of 25 and had a sort of epiphany if you like. Here I was at 25, still in a crappy job, my long term relationship had just ended after 7 years, I was a father and I felt that my life was going nowhere.

I had to move back home to my parents house and couldn’t afford to get a place of my own due to the fact that through my own stupidity and naivety I had allowed my house to be repossessed and sold on for a fraction of the price.

I’ll never forget that day when the letter came through my parents letterbox from the building society informing me that they had sold the house and I had to pay the shortfall of £20,000.

I just couldn’t tell my parents and thankfully I managed to keep it from them, and they still didn’t know up until they both passed away in 2007. But they knew that SOMETHING was wrong with me, it must have been obvious, my weight dropped to around the 8 stone mark and I rarely came out of my room.

Added to this I was also suffering from a pretty disturbing sleep disorder known as sleep paralysis which left me feeling exhausted after having no proper sleep for weeks on end. This happened most nights and I have since learned that stress is a big factor. In fact I wrote a book about the subject and my struggle with it which you can get for free here.

So, all this combined to make a pretty lousy time of life for me, so what about this epiphany I mentioned then?

Well I guess I just hit rock bottom and basically I got ‘bloody angry’ I decided I wasn’t going to continue on this road and so slowly but surely I tackled all these problems, the brevity of that sentence doesn’t really begin to describe how I went about all this but suffice it to say that I stopped feeling sorry for myself, gave myself a good slap in the face and decided to do something about it.

I confronted my confidence issues by deciding that I would use a well known psychological tactic that I first heard described by Stuart Goldsmith in his book  ‘The Midas Method’. This tactic was called ‘your perfect day’ and basically you just had to imagine what your perfect day would be like and then go about creating it in reality – and by that I don’t mean in a metaphysical wishy washy new agey kind of way (although I did go down this road for a while but I’ll save that for another post) I mean just focusing my thoughts on what I’d like my life to be like and then try to achieve it but to act as if it had already been achieved.

This has the phsycological effect of changing your energy (still not being new agey here) and the way you feel from a downward negative feeling to a more positive one.

I basically just chose to be happy, confident etc. etc. even if I didn’t completely feel like it I still ‘acted’ as though I was and it made a huge difference to me in many ways.

One of the ways was in my self confidence. I would force myself into scary situations in order to work through the feeling of limitation that I had – it was a very frightening but exciting time for me and lead to some very interesting situations 🙂

So, a few years later and here I am today. I’m pleased to say that I have exorcised most of my demons and the feeling of limitation has diminished significantly.

I now have specific goal and purpose in life and I have managed to achieve one of my main wishes – to work from home and be self sufficient.

I don’t mean self sufficient in a ‘Good Life’ kind of way, but I mean that I’m not a slave to the rat race anymore. Sure I still rely on other people to pay me but then so does everyone in a way – you can’t get money from nowhere and it has to come from other people in some way shape or form but at least I now have more of say in how I make my money and the conditions and terms in which it is made.

Yes, I still have to swap my time for money by providing a service but I get to choose what it is now and not some boss. I get to work from home in my comfortable office, I can work whenever I want as long as I get the work done, I can decide to stay in bed in the mornings for a while instead of having to conform to some time rota or shift pattern, I only have to work a few hours a day instead of the usual 8 or 12 that I used to do.I don’t have to share the bus commute to work in the bleak winter mornings with the dregs of society. Basically I have more freedom now than I ever have.

I also have more opportunities open to me than ever before and I can truly say that I am steering my own ship rather than being stuck down in the galley with the other slaves and it’s a great feeling.

Which brings me to my latest project. It’s always been a goal of mine to find a legitimate system of making money and then once I found this system I would sell the idea to other people to show how it could be done and also to make even more money for myself which I think is fair enough – people should be rewarded for their efforts and if they have something of value to give they should be rewarded for it.

I am pleased to announce that I can now honestly say I have found that legitimate way of making money and I have decided to create a product showing how it can be done.

I’ve already written the manual, it’s quite brief at only 50 odd pages and I’m also going to include some video tutorials which I’m a little nervous about doing as I don’t like the sound of my own voice but hey ho.

I’ve also had some graphics designed which you can view here and I’ve given the product a name. It’s called the Guru Buddy System and it basically lays out everything I do in my own business working from home and shows you how to copy it.

I can honestly say I’m really enjoying the creative process although at times it’s been hard to think about anything else. The sense of achievement though is already growing and I’m pleased with what I’ve done so far.

Hopefully it will be a success but even if it isn’t I can at least say that I tried, and then I’ll just try something else.

Anyway, more updates coming soon.

I’d like to end this post with a scene from an excellent film starring Wil Smith, I’m not a big fan of his work but this film really struck a chord with me.

The film is The Pursuit Of Happiness and this scene really sums things up for me.



  • Sue Schlaiffer

    Reply Reply June 9, 2010

    Hi Edward,
    I can really empathise with what you have written in this post, as I was bullied throughout school and had a very low self image as a result. This affected how well I got on in later life a work with career etc. Until one day I gave myself a big slap on the face, not literally of course, and from then on I have not looked back. I give off an air of confidence even though most of the time I am far from it! But it works and I am able to do things totally outside of my comfort zone. Good luck with your future online venture and enjoy the journey too!

    • Edward Rush

      Reply Reply June 10, 2010

      Hello Sue

      Thanks for your kind comments.

      Glad to hear you didn’t let what happened to you at school keep you down.

      I always say that although we can’t always choose what happens to us we always have a choice of how we are going to deal with it – hard as that may be.


  • Betty Locke

    Reply Reply June 19, 2010

    Congratulations to you Eddie, on your very interesting blog and also on the way you have turned your life around.
    Many of us can relate to being forced to feel inadequate in our young years. It is a crushing load to carry. Let us remember that every human life is precious, valuable and unique, and every soul has talent of some kind to offer. I like the way you write. May I offer one small correction? Bare it, in this instance is spelled bear it. Thank you for your insights. Betty

  • Steve Troutman

    Reply Reply June 19, 2010

    Hi Edward,

    very candid post. I think a lot of have had this type of problem in the past in some form or another. The low self esteem I mean. I am 53 years old and still have not realized my dream of making a living on my own yet. A lot of it has to do with the belief factor involved. I keep trying though. I think I’m going to finally break through though with Dave’s coaching program. Thanks for sharing,


  • Chrissy Withers

    Reply Reply June 22, 2010

    Hi Edward

    It’s great to hear how you have successfully turned your life around and have started to achieve what you want to achieve in life. Fantastic that you have your own product and are making money from it – I will aspire to do the same eventually.

    Keep up the good work

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